just over 3 weeks on board and only 74 days left.
why do i count the days? many crew members have said that's a bad idea, that it will drive me crazy.
i have done it every contract though. and i defend it when questioned by saying i'd go crazy if i didn't.
but i don't know if i would, since i've never tried.
so why do i do it? i don't know.
maybe i want to punish myself. maybe i want to be constantly reminded of the situation i'm in. i think i need the information so i can feel informed, aware.
but i'm almost certain now it does add to my feeling of being trapped, of being removed from my life temporarily.
and that's another fun thing: it's only 3 months. on land whole years fly by in a blink of an eye. out here, perhaps cause i'm counting the days, time seems to slow down and drag on.
maybe i am a masochist like that. or maybe i'm just a fan of calendars and human attempts to craft some order out of chaos.
either way, i do know that only one cup of coffee is not sufficient amounts of caffeine to arouse my mind from it's heavy slumber, as evidenced by lack of access to my vocabulary.
off to consume more coffee...