when you write a blog no one reads, it affords you some freedom. and demands some self reflective honesty.
i purposely don't list this blog on the search engines, so it's not like i'm complaining that no one reads my drivel.
i know some people do, i can see the stats that reveal some poor souls do view the page, and to them i guess i should say thank you. i mean, i don't write these posts to be read as much as i write them to write them.
but, still, i was raised a polite southern boy, so i'll say thank you.
but then again, on the self reflective honesty tip, if i was writing things that people wanted to read, that they felt compared to share, and that caused my "page view" stat to sky rocket, of course i'd feel awesome about that. i'm sure it would end up fucking up my wrting mojo though, as happened in the past when i knew people were reading these heart dumps.
i use this as a journal, and i suppose i must not want people to read it or i'd push it more.
i didn't start this as a blog to get read, i started it as a means to keep family and friends updated on my life and times while traveling.
but of course some part of me thought i was starting the next big thing.
the greedy self important part, fed only by my own self hated ego and sense of entitlement, really.
so why am i writing this tirade about a lack of readership?
i don't know.
i was going to write a post about how i misread another female; about how i thought i had another girl in love with me that i didn't share the same feelings for headed for the awkward conversation friendship plateau, only to have the exact opposite be revealed in a random moment of human verbal interaction.
she uttered the world changer so casually, its as if the thought of this information being at all surprising to me even crossed her mind.
the second time this has happened to me.
to be fair, the first time i was (am?) the one with feelings.
this time neither of us had feelings, apprantly. so in the end, it's a wonderful weight lifted.
but it's still odd to me that i can misread the feminine gender so completely.
even as i typed that, i realized how amazingly pompous that sentence was.
misreading the opposite sex? that's new. new like music and poetry is new.
so i guess i did write about it afterall.